By Jolene Sorenson
September is Suicide Prevention Month. During this month, community mental health professionals come together with survivors and advocates to get the word out about ways to prevent this tragedy.
According to the National Foundation for Suicide Prevention, as of 2022, suicide was the 11th leading cause of death with 49,476 Americans dying of suicide that year. White Men, followed closely by American Native Men, are the categories at highest risk for completing suicides.
For teens, the rate of suicide keeps increasing. In 2022, the statistics showed that 20% of all teens seriously considered suicide with 10% making an attempt. This is much higher than earlier generations.
There is a stigma associated with mental health that sometimes makes it difficult for people and their families to talk about their struggles. This has been true for my family, but when we decided to fully talk about what was happening, we realized that it seemed to help others going through similar issues. For my son Dane, it has helped him find purpose with dealing with his mental illness.
Suicide prevention month is very personal and something my family feels very passionate about. My son Dane, age 16, is one of the teens that makes up the 10% suicide attempts. He is actually in a rare category where he has had multiple attempts, with is first one in sixth grade.
I asked him when he first noticed he was experiencing mental health issues and what it was like. “First thing I noticed, not everyone thought the same way I did. I thought in pictures but others had different ways of thinking. When I noticed things were going to be an issue, it was hard for me to find the words and connect to anyone, including loving friends and family. I didn’t want to worry them or have them pity me. I had repeated thoughts of suicide and began to self-harm. When the suicidal thoughts kicked off, it made me really nervous. I became scared when I really started to have an urge to act on them.”
From my perspective as a parent, Dane began to bang his head on the floor at school in second grade and hide under tables. I knew this had to be an anxiety response but really wasn’t for sure what to do about it. We put him in counseling to try to give us both the tools at finding out what was happening. I did not know at the time he was having suicidal thoughts.
Suicide is not always something easy to see in others. “It is sometimes hard to notice when someone is suicidal,” Dane stated. “Main thing I notice in others is consistent suicide jokes. Every now and then might be ok but if it becomes daily, this may mean someone is really thinking about it. Any words to check up on someone is better than no words. Even stating, ‘Are you ok?’ Don’t just go off what they say but the tone of their response and non-verbal cues. Use what you know about the person to really determine if they are ok. Just be non-judgmental.”
As Dane got older, he continued to struggle with anxiety but the therapy did help. In many ways, he was a regular kid. He had friends in the neighborhood that he would play with, made secret forts and bothered his older siblings. There were months of no self-harming and he didn’t struggle with getting to school. I remember hoping that maybe he was growing out of it and that perhaps this wouldn’t be a lifelong issue.
There was a big change around the sixth grade. Dane started refusing to go into classrooms and only wanted to take tests away from his peers. He had an irrational fear that others could see what he was writing on his paper and they would think he was “dumb”. I saw my friendly, outgoing kid slowly start curling into himself. I still wasn’t thinking suicide at that time but that is exactly what happened. His first attempt was to run to Scott Blvd. and to jump in front of a semi-truck. If it wasn’t for the school administrator right behind him, he would have been hit. His second suicide attempt was in the 9th grade. This one was a little easier for us to see the signs, as his depression was getting much worse. By this time, he was on medication and going to therapy weekly. We had just increased his medication that we hoped would help. Unfortunately, he had a difficult day and so he attempted to go over the railing of the second floor of the school gym. His paraeducator was able to talk him down but we knew he needed to go back to the hospital in order to keep him safe.
From Dane’s perspective, when you can tell someone is really going through a depressive phase, it is really important to talk to them and let them know you care. “I’m now mentally well and can see that people care. But when I’m going through it, I may not be able to see that.”
From the 988 lifeline website, there is research stating this is a good tactic to help others. People who are having thoughts of suicide feel relief when someone asks after them in a caring way. Findings suggest acknowledging and talking about suicide may reduce rather than increase suicidal ideation.
Dane stated, “If you know someone that is going through a mental health issue, don’t pressure them to get better, give them the means. Just understand they can’t just get over it and probably need professional help.”
It is sometimes difficult to know who to talk to or where to turn if you or a loved one is having suicidal thoughts. Here are some resources if you or a family member are struggling with suicide:
988- National hotline; can call or text
911- Call if someone is in immediate danger
1-855-581-8111-Mobile Crisis units- Mental health professionals go to where the person is at during a crisis.
National Alliance on Mental Illness is a great resource https://www.nami.org/
Having and caring for someone living with mental illness is not easy. Just know that you are not alone.
